-There you are, Candy! I rushed down here like a Bee. Actually managed to sneak out from the meeting by faking a resignation again. So this better be a real Emergency.
-They can’t roll the numbers without you, Amelia, you know you’ll never lose this job.
-Thanks. Arghhh. You’ve kept me flying since we were teenagers. My success is our success. Now! Straight to the point. What’s up? Why the braids and blue lipstick?
-I need a thousand for a lawyer.
-No problem. But I’m slightly curious. Are you in trouble?
Amelia noticed her best friend had tiger-like scratches on her arms.
-To make it short, Candy whispered, five months ago I went to the Natural History Museum.
-Oh, no. You’re pregnant?
All the customers sat at Starbucks turned their heads around.
-It’s worse than that. I needed the toilet but I saw a naughty spider in there. i didn’t want the spider to see me naked, so I went into a corridor and I pushed a “NO ENTRY” door, hoping there would be a staff clean toilet in there.
There was a door that looked like one and so I pushed it. You wouldn’t believe it. It was the archeological workshop! No-one was in. Only bones and fossils and microscopes. It was like travelling back billions of planet earth years.
-This small little bone… I mean, it was so cute! I couldn’t resist. I slipped it into my corset. Then I just walked out.
-You got caught?
-So what happened?
Candy started looking around wearily in case there were any undercovers about.
-I took the bone home and placed it under my pillow just as it said on that Wicca website.
Then I dreamed I worked for this really cool Advertising Company.
-Go on, time’s running up.
-On the next day I cleaned it with that Japanese Energy drink they sell behind the counter. Big mistake. Weird things started to happen.
-So you’re not pregnant?
-No. The bone must have actually been an Egg. A Dinosaur Egg. It’s growing. It’s a she. I named her Polly.
-Heavenly! Shall we take it to the Zoo?
The barista at Starbucks had already lowered the music volume and customers were pretending not to listen to the girl. What a nice vibe there was in there.
-If only it could talk! The thing is, I taught her how to use my tablet, she learned very fast, and then started ordering Hollister pants that don’t even fit her! With MY credit card.
-But is Polly good to you?
-Oh yeah, she loves a tease. But I’m left with this new big lovely burden and I cannot live with or without her. I need to sue the National History Museum for letting pervert spiders in their ladies restrooms.
-Now don’t blame the cleaners! You stole the egg!
-I thought it was just a bone.
-Okay, the bone! Amelia shot a glance at her watch and then grabbed Candy strongly by the fists.
-Tell me Candy, are you taking your zombie pills?
-I can’t! Polly loves them and gobbles the whole box as soon as it’s delivered to me!
At this point fellow coffee-lovers couldn’t hold it any longer and exploded very loudly into laughter. Candy felt embarrassed and desperately lonely again.
As Amelia sighed and reached for the emergency medication sachet she kept in her bag, the gentleman two tables to the right jumped up and cried
-Wait a minute! Don’t take that! You’re perfect as you are, Candy. Here’s a check for you to pay your debts. I run the top Advertising Firm in the US and Britain, and we need someone like you to start the day inspiredly. You just need to give us a casual speech each morning at 8 AM sharp. Burnout is common in the creative industries but I know that an open mind like yours, innocent and imaginative will give us that boost to keep fighting a fierce competition.
I’ll give you 24 hours to think about it, Miss Candy. Meanwhile I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for a Yes. What do you say?
-Well, thanks, it’s a great offer, but I need to discuss it with Polly tonight- see what she thinks about this.
More humour here!