Last Winter Jokes!

A gangster’s girlfriend is missing the intimate bit of the relationship, and decides to take action. She gets a policewoman outfit at the carnival shop, then eagerly waits for her man in the early morning, dressed up like his highest fantasy.
At last, and looking tired of an exciting night doing this and that, the boyfriend shows up and rolls his eyes at her sight.
– Jenny, is that you?
– yes, I ve been hired as an officer yesterday, I wanted to keep it as a surprise….
she starts unbuttoning her shirt expecting some kind of accrued passion- when he cries,
– could I borrow the suit to take some selfies?

* * *

A junkie’s daughter is asked at school what she would like to be when she grows up.

-Definitely, I want to be an astronaut!

– oh, do you?

-sure I do. I saw in a film they got massive, massive, stocked up fridges on spaceship board!

* * *

An angry customer walks into a pet shop with his dog and waits for his turn.

-Madame, I d like a refund for this maltersers dog because I’m disappointed.

– could you go more into detail?

– well, he behaves like a human. He puts back the lid onto the shampoo after his bath, brings slippers to my guests and always gives the remote control to my wife.

– I see. I’m afraid that’s not a good reason enough for a refund.

– Not a good reason enough? then please exchange my wife for a nice young lady that enjoys watching wrestling shows like I do!!!

* * *

A forty year old has had a bike accident and is in a deep coma. His relatives are desperately gathered around his bed when a drunk nurse walks in and sprays something onto the poor dying man’s nose.

As un unexplained miracle, the hopeless man is revived by the shock, coughs, swears and looks around…. his family are crying with happiness.

Two weeks later, the biker’s wife is reading a letter and cries

-You pig! you ve been pestering young ladies!

-I don’t know what you’re on about….?

-Yes, that nurse at the hospital had stuffed your face with some anti-rapist gas, and is know demanding half of our fortune…. or she will take you to court over sexual assault charges!!!!

* * *

Do enjoy the last winter days, don’t forget where you stock your skiing boots….. and get some great books here to prepare for the beautiful springtime!

Why we can’t help Blossoming

IMG_3202To you, the womb, the daisy and the pie

To them, the grooms, the lazy and the wild

A storm can bring oh such exotic seeds

Ugly froggies to kiss and a  very funny sneeze

Whatever you do wherever you are

The trace you leave around is glittery like stars…..

And it belongs to you! No matter what others believe

So keep doing your thing you ghost, sailor or sheep.

The End

To my lovely followers I apologise for the writing gap- yet gasping to hear from you all! Hope you are well and please don’t forget your very wecome personal comments.

Drawing by the author in felts and pastels.

C U SOON!!! Xxxxxx

More books here!