The Solo Party

BA37B152-DEB8-4F89-BD66-A112A5EEFC56Another February Friday morning at the factory, but today, Dave has shown  up fully compliant with his gear and uniform.

– You’re looking a little different today. The new trainee wants to know it all.

– I don’t like Christmas.

– It’s February the 7th today! We have all almost forgotten the meaning of the word „Christmas”!

– You wouldn’t want to know how large and wide the meaning of Christmas is to me.

– Of course. And those watery eyes?

– Just collecting some fresh tears for the upcoming summer draught.

– So Dave’s not feeling that blue today, is he? She squeezes his left cheek out of impulse.

– I’m actually trying to cry as much as I can til the tank is empty, so I never need to do that crying again. Then it will all be giggles.

– If that’s your new trick to lay your bricks, then great…. oh, I heard you’re endind your shift early today. Anything exciting?

– I’m throwing a solo party tonight.

– A „ solo party”? What the pepper is that? You mean we’re uninvited?

– Had my yearly ratio of carelessness… now I need to know what it’s like for those who don’t get the chance or who just don’t wanna go out weekends- you know, what goes through their heads. Always been intrigued by this.

– But you’ve been going on about Friday night all week!

– I’ve changed my mind this morning.

– Oh.

Their colleagues stop chatting to listen to Dave instead, who’s not the good old Dave today.

– At 33 I’ve lived pretty fast.

The trainee insists.

– But what if you really get the blues and then you stay stuck in there?

– I might get the blues, the purples and the blacks. Yet my reward will come the day after, when my mobile phone starts jumping up and down in the living room… because all my mates will want to narrate their own distorted version about the Friday Night little adventure….

– Okay, so tell me, what will you be doing with yourself all evening?

– Well it might be dusting out one of those unopened birthday present books…. or practising that new trendy beard grooming in front of the mirror… or even writing a thank you card to my very generous guardian angel….

– I see….

– and if the party turns out to be a commotion, rest reassured: I will be giving away all my old spirit bottles and nightclub membership cards to the local shelter guys!

The End.

If you believe there are no fences around your freedom, try making a one-off change.

Thanks for sharing!

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Have a great weekend!

Single, Glamorous, & In Control.

  • [sociallocker id=932][/sociallocker]Single and Free. A great place to be. A magnet for opportunity. A chance to regain your head, heart and time.

To make the most of this free vacation, here are some great ideas to make the leap!

 

1- Create your own glamour strategy.

For instance, if you like doing the shopping, take a cabin light suitcase instead of plastic bags or a trolley. You will notice the globe-trotter effect.

2- You are always in the public eye. Even at home. This is why I always advise to invest in a quality night robe- because you never know who will be knocking on your door, at anytime.

3- Make two separate “errand outfits” available. Something casual you can easily slip in preferably in neutral colours.

4- Develop a unique original cooking recipe from your own taste buds. It may take time, but once you’re good at it you will conquer the world through its belly.

5- Make technology gabriel-matula-301987-unsplash   work for you, and not others. Set your privacy and availability preferences- you don’t want the 24- hour- on – call stressful feeling making you paranoid.

The same applies to becoming dependant on technology- you will look pathetic -and your existence will be pathetic- if your life is at your fingertips’ mercy.

Cut down on social media and switch your devices off for at least an hour a day.

6- Choose comfort over glamour. That doesn’t mean chopping your hair off a la garconne… but you know how unappealing high heels look when the ankles are blistered.

7- Be the Real Princess. Never do anything in your own company that you would not do in front of Prince Charming. Habits are creepy little Devils that create reflexes.

8- Have a favourite secret little place where you feel you connect easily with yourself. It may be a bench at a park, the office roofterrace or even a nightclub. Make sure you do not disclose this location even if you happen to believe  you’ve “found the One” and can’t resist sharing the very place where you feel empowered.

9- Learn a few words or funny phrases in another tongue everytime you chat with a different language speaker. Some funny, positive words they ‘ll be proud to teach you.

10- Memorize at least two clean jokes.

11- Plan an “I’m not interested- leave me alone” strategy.

If you can walk away, it can be something like

-Oh, no, my beans are burning on the fire!

or if you’re on a plane, train or waiting room, you can think of anything like ” I haven’ t slept for two nights and I need my hours not to get wrinkles “.

12- Acknowledge your origins.

” I’m from the nineties, I need my shot of dancing”.

” You don’t mess up with a Spanish woman”.

” My grandma slaughtered cattle on her farm”.

It will show you’ve had a Youth and are still kinda living it, and you have pumping blood in your system.

13- When you go shopping, choose items you would wear on a week- end escapade or on your best friend’s Hen night- as opposed to work or dating. This way you will dress like the Real You.

14- Elaborate a fantastic lie to sound test people- you will find the right time when you Laugh and ask “did you really believe I had a microchip implant fitted in my navel?”

15- Embrace tradition. Wear a wrist watch. Use a paper diary that will not let you down. Carry a pen, tissues, and cash.

16- Erase sentences starting with ” I  hate…” from your daily speech.

17- Learn something useful for life and not only career: First Aid, Deaf Sign Language or mending a car. Now you’ve got the time!

18- Go and Splash some cash on that Cabbage Patch Kid you dreamed of adopting when you were eleven years old- and never got, or that motorbike you wished you had as a teen or even a that trip to the Niagara Falls your selfish first husband kept on postponing. Time hasn’t managed to change you that much!

19- Making new healthy habits at the same time your ditching old bad habits proves there’s no time to waste or to procrastinate.

20- Be extra careful with who you tell last night’s freaky weird dream to- people will be able to read your subconscious mind- so beware of the competition!

21- Instead of using foul language when you really gotta swear, make up your own funny personalised words which can range from a food you dislike e.g “hairy chicken!” to a politician you loathe “X in pajamas!”.

And remember, fantasizing with romance is equally as healthy as any other subject of fantasy- so allow your imagination to flow while you’e the Queen of Your Castle!

Thanks for sharing!

 

More humour here.

Do Not Laugh

Do Not Laugh?

Luckily for us two-legged hoarders it is legal to laugh. Almost everywhere.

 

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If life has battered you like a baseball and you cannot even remember the last time you laughed from the deepest of your diaphragm, I’ve got a few tips for you to reconnect to the funny side of baked beans on the bus seat and get you and those around you pumping oxygen without the need of steroids injections.

1- Laugh at yourself. Yes, it all starts here. Laugh at your warts, two left feet and botched highlights if you want to spark the fire.

It doesn’t matter who’s around you- your enemies will be disarmed.

2- Laugh at others with Love care and affection. No need to be scornfulumanoide-548392.jpg or humiliating. Make the subject of your jokes an innocent child. They’ll love it and they will laugh too.

3- Laugh when you’re on your own. Whether it’s remembering funny things or planning a joke. Don’t worry about pedestrians thinking you need to visit the shrink!

4- Make strangers laugh.

5- Read jokes books.

6- Watch comedies and cartoons.

7- Next time you Laugh, make sure you “disconnect” from your immediate environment: leave your hot tea mug on the nearest surface… then bend over and laugh til you’re out of breathe.

8- Don’t take authority too seriously.

9- Remember every little drama has it’s funny side. Look for it.

10- Take delibertely ugly Selfies and show them around- you don’t need to post them anywhere.

11- Speak out of your mind. Set your repressed unconsciousness free. You will soon learn that the first thing that springs to our mind is usually the right thing to say.

12- Remind your friends, colleagues and relatives about that joke they made that made you Laugh so much. This will create a comedy bond!

13- Keep your lungs as healthy as you can by reducing tobacco smoke and exercising more!

Thanks for sharing and have fun!

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