April Fools Day!

DD3A87D9-CB01-4EAA-8A98-99603CD9B76AA student finds her flatmate searching through all the cupboards and wardrobes, saying , “I know you’re in there!”

So she gently asks her,

” Nancy, who are you talking to?”

” My boyfriend’s other girl! I know he has been cheating on me lately!”

” But Nancy…. you don’t have a boyfriend!”

” I know I don’t have a boyfriend- but that doesn’t mean he’s not cheating on me!”

*          *          *

A Doctor’s surgery gets a funny call.

– “You see, my flatmate must have caught a funny virus. She’s jumping up and down on the bed, singing “it’s raining men” and juggling with my antique vases.”

– “okay. I shall prescribe some pills for her. How old is she?”

–  “She’s eighty today!”

*           *          *

– “Hey cousin, long time! You look good! How’s life treating you?”

– “Excellent! I got a boyfriend who loves me more than his car….”

– “I’m glad to hear this…. and what car does he drive?”

– “Oh, eerrrr, he doesn’t have a car…”

*          *          *

A successful manager walks into a meeting to see her sales representative sporting her very own pendant. She can’t take her eyes off the jewel and is thinking of going to report the theft.  To be on the safe side, she decides to ask her colleague first,

– ” What a beautiful pendant! It really suits you! Where did you get it?”

– “I got it at a charity auction for a small fortune.”

– “A charity auction?”

– “That’s right. This charity raises money in order to help forgetful people.”

– “Oh my…. my car keys… and my twelve o’clock presentation… and the code to my locker…. and… can you remind me- what’s the date today?”

– “It’s  April Fools Day!”

– “Okay, thanks.  And what’s the date tomorrow?”

*         *          *

During Tom  and Christine’s anniversary,  the gentleman starts spoiling his wife with jewels, kisses and untrue words about her looks- she is ten years older than him.

– Oh Tom, stop it! Your words are like Botox to my ears!

*          *          *
ADBAE16B-AB04-4ADF-A97C-DE51D5B7C8EA

An Estate Agent is desperately trying to rent a room out to an ideal tenant. This time again, the lady says she’s not at all interested.

– “I need to ask you a favour- please could you honestly tell me what is it you find wrong with this lovely room?”

– ” Haven’t you seen the note on the fridge that reads ” Beware of the Grizzly!?”

*          *          *

So as long as April Fools Day is fun, creative, eye- opening and does not play with individuals’ concerns, we can all expect three quarters of a minute of surprise, confusion, and then jolly good laughter!

Have a fun Fool’s Day!

For more Jokes click here.

Do Not Laugh

Do Not Laugh?

Luckily for us two-legged hoarders it is legal to laugh. Almost everywhere.

 

[sociallocker id=932][/sociallocker]

[sociallocker id=932]

If life has battered you like a baseball and you cannot even remember the last time you laughed from the deepest of your diaphragm, I’ve got a few tips for you to reconnect to the funny side of baked beans on the bus seat and get you and those around you pumping oxygen without the need of steroids injections.

1- Laugh at yourself. Yes, it all starts here. Laugh at your warts, two left feet and botched highlights if you want to spark the fire.

It doesn’t matter who’s around you- your enemies will be disarmed.

2- Laugh at others with Love care and affection. No need to be scornfulumanoide-548392.jpg or humiliating. Make the subject of your jokes an innocent child. They’ll love it and they will laugh too.

3- Laugh when you’re on your own. Whether it’s remembering funny things or planning a joke. Don’t worry about pedestrians thinking you need to visit the shrink!

4- Make strangers laugh.

5- Read jokes books.

6- Watch comedies and cartoons.

7- Next time you Laugh, make sure you “disconnect” from your immediate environment: leave your hot tea mug on the nearest surface… then bend over and laugh til you’re out of breathe.

8- Don’t take authority too seriously.

9- Remember every little drama has it’s funny side. Look for it.

10- Take delibertely ugly Selfies and show them around- you don’t need to post them anywhere.

11- Speak out of your mind. Set your repressed unconsciousness free. You will soon learn that the first thing that springs to our mind is usually the right thing to say.

12- Remind your friends, colleagues and relatives about that joke they made that made you Laugh so much. This will create a comedy bond!

13- Keep your lungs as healthy as you can by reducing tobacco smoke and exercising more!

Thanks for sharing and have fun!

[/sociallocker]

 

More humour here.

https://amzn.to/2GH7P79