Jokes Instead Of Masks.

A man walks in to his routine medical check-up, and the physician finishes reading the test results.

-OK, I’m going to prescribe you one bottle of whiskey a day, along with one pack of cigarettes, three full courses of your favourite junk food, and a weekly visit to the gentlemen’s club.- This sounds great! Says the patient in disbelief, but are you sure all this will make me better?

– Errr….. well, replies the Doctor….. considering you only have six weeks to live…

* * *

Did you hear about the beginner’s skydiving group who didn’t make it past the first jump?

The instructor had gotten so absorbed into explaining the proper use of masks, he skipped the bit where was to teach how to fold a parachute….

* * *

Hi, Nancy! Long time! How ‘ve you guys been coping with the pandemic?

– Well, as everybody else, we ‘re pretty fed up with it all. I mean, eating our foods in wrapped paper, not being able to slap my kids when they are naughty, and kissing my husband through a mask…. and you?

– Oh, I find this all a very relaxing way of life…. except that I am spending a ridiculous amount of cash on clothes-matching designer masks!

* * *

Mum, I’m sick and tired of this pandemic! You’re all glued to the TV set, we ‘re not allowed to go clubbing, and everyday the mask spoils my make-up!

* * *

Honey, I think you should at once come to terms with your midlife belly: I would like you to use the stairs instead of the lift, carry all the groceries home for me, and redecorate my study from scratch…

– Would you also like me do your manicure everyday?

* * *

Natasha, I got great news! I’m going to lose three stone in three months ahead!

– That sounds fabulous! How are you going to achieve this?

Well, I bought a set of cutlery online which neutralizes all the calories you eat!

* * *

-Did you hear about the rapper who was queuing for six hours at the medical surgery’s?

– We was wishing to get his Ferrari vaccinated.

That’s all for today!

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Author: sandrasimagination

I grew up reading books, taking dancing lessons and in a way looking for trouble! My Big Dream came true at age 29. Having broad life and work experience, I am comfortable in my shoes and wild in my imagination, which I share here and in my Books and Art. Updating on average every week, so keep checking out! Follow me!!!

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