Your Wednesday calorie-packed Jokes!

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A candidate turns up drunk at the interview.

– I hope you understand we cannot hire people with drinking problems, Miss.

– But I don’t have a drinking problem! …. It’s just that it was stated on your advertisement that your firm values Honesty above all!

*       *       *

A woman rings up an online shop.

– I’m calling regarding my toothbrush delivery. You have taken the payment from my card, then have sent me a goat instead. I have been left  with no toothbrushes for half a week…

– Hold on! You say you don’t have any toothbrushes since three days? Then how on earth have you managed to brush the goat’s teeth?!!

*        *        *

A lady shows up at an interview sporting three-inch-long nails.

Besides this she does a great interview. Towards the end, she is asked,

The role involves a lot of typing. Would it be ok for you to shortern your nails?

– No need for that.

– What do you mean?

– I won four medals in head-butting during  my early twenties….

*        *        *

– Hi Dan? You’re back from your holidays! How did it go?

– It was amazing, despite they warned us about the place being a little polluted.

– So what was so amazing about it?

– Well it rained aftersun gel, you could eat for free from the pavement…. and the drivers didn’t charge for the ride, if you taught them how to say a few words in English!

*        *        *

A lady experiencing growing concerns about her partner’s faithfullness finds a bunch of roses home when she gets back from the spa.

– Anthonyyyy! What’s all this about? Have you decided to dump your new lover?

– No, we’re celebrating something better. I got a job!

– A job… a job? I see…. how did you manage that?

– I was desperate to work, when I had the idea to join the free ventriloquist course for two months…

– I don’t understand?

– Yes, when today’s bosses were almost done with the interview I said in one of their voices,

”Fantastic! We’re hiring this guy!”

*        *        *

A couple are queuing at the ATM behind one of those head-turning brunettes. The male hasn’t taken his eyes off her as she takes her time to withdraw what she needs.

A short stroll later, the girlfriend says, I thought you only liked blondes! You were staring at that girl like a hungry animal for three minutes!

– You wrong, he whispers. I was just taking note of her pin number.

– Oh, so Mr Perfect has now flipped into a thieve!

– It’s for your new kitchen.

– For my new kitchen? You are joking, aren’t you?

– Nope. Someone told me, that fit brunette is a great professional cook!

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That’s all for today…. don’t forget to click here for dozens of more Jokes!

Thanks!

 

Author: sandrasimagination

I grew up reading books, taking dancing lessons and in a way looking for trouble! My Big Dream came true at age 29. Having broad life and work experience, I am comfortable in my shoes and wild in my imagination, which I share here and in my Books and Art. Updating on average every week, so keep checking out!

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